Why YOU WILL Win The Billion Dollar Bracket

When Warren Buffett announced that he and Quicken Loans were going to offer up to 15 million people the opportunity to guess the NCAA Tournament perfectly and win a billion dollars, it immediately stirred up a storm. All I have read are a bunch of articles about how you have no chance at winning. I can’t stand such negativity. So, I’ve put together the only article out there as to “Why YOU WILL Win The Billion Dollar Bracket.” Here are the facts:

1. Mathematical odds/the analytics movement is overrated.

People will say that there is a 9.2 quintillion to one chance of getting a perfect NCAA bracket. To those people, I respond, “What’s a quintillion? Sounds made up by the same people that caused the 2008 financial crisis.” With the Sloan Sports Conference, Nate Silver and FiveThirtyEight, and other such representations of the advancements of analytics, the facts show that it really won’t work out. For all the success of “Moneyball,” how many championships do the Oakland A’s have? Exactly. The best still wins. You’re the best. You’re better than math. You got this.

2. Warren Buffett is an idiot.

So, this guy is the most noted American businessman and knowledgeable on economics in so many ways? He’s worth billions, and has the kindness to donate much of it to worthwhile charities? He’s one of the most savvy investors in the world and highly respected by pretty much everyone on Wall Street? So what? He’s all old now. He’s probably senile. His time is over. It’s now your time, baby! With his billion dollars! 

I really hope a librarian wins the billion dollars.

 3. You know college basketball (even if you don’t).

Come on, you watched practically every game that was available to you on cable this season. You know these teams hands down and have analyzed everything that could possibly happen. And, sure, the NCAA Tournament never has any surprises. Or, come on, you watched the night that Michigan State played Kentucky and Duke played Kansas, and never watched a game again this season. You know college basketball. It’s in your blood.

4. You’re probably due.

Look, life hasn’t treated you well in some way. You’re certainly not Warren Buffett. You work a crappy job. You hate your significant other. You’re obviously depressed in some way. All you live for is sports or lottery tickets. This is that wonderful moment where you can bring both of them together. God owes you a billion dollars. Life sucks, and now it won’t thanks to your perfect bracket!

A Timeline of the Philadelphia 76ers at Orlando Magic

While on my recent trip to Orlando, I got to check out the Amway Arena for the first time. On Sunday night, a clearly epic battle occurred as the Magic squared off against the Philadelphia 76ers. Here's a timeline of my experience at what may have been one of the most meaningless games this NBA season.

4:00 PM – I'm taking in the Ohio State-Indiana basketball game at a bar right near Lake Eola in a park in downtown Orlando. It's a beautiful sight, and no surprise that the outdoor bar is backed on such a clear and perfect weather day.

4:51 PM – I actually poop in the park public restroom, making me only slightly above the homeless when it comes to behavioral standards in a park public restroom. As it turns out, my poop was probably synonymous with the level of entertainment the Magic and 76ers would provide later in the day.

4:59 PM – I notice a group of people dancing on a stage at the lake. I guess this auditorium is used for random events like this. Kind of cool, but kind of weird. I like Orlando.

6:01 PM – The game has already started, but we still need tickets. Numerous scalpers annoy us. We just want to get into the building, so we buy $10 tickets off of a scalper. According to the Ticketmaster paper, the original price of the tickets was $5 (Amway offers $5 tickets? No idea.) The name on the tickets is Miguel. I assure you that if the guy I bought the tickets from was named Miguel, then my name is Joe Biden.

6:14 PM – We get into the building with absolutely no intention of ever going to our seats. We go to the Budweiser Bar Pavilion where you get a great standing room level view from behind one of the backboards and all the numerous shots that are being missed by each respective team.

6:21 PM – A guy is throwing free stuff. Pretty exciting. As it turns out, he ends up handing us what he's throwing. They are those “thunder sticks” that you can use to cheer on the team. I must say it's disappointing when you receive a free thing that's not very exciting. It's double disappointing when it's handed to you, and you didn't catch it. I thought to myself, “This is crap, and I didn't even earn it.”

6:33 PM – “Kiss Cam” comes on the screen! It's a little sad when you're digging for “Kiss Cam” near the end of the first quarter. This is something that better teams would show later in the game. But, hey, got to keep these Orlando faithful excited somehow.

6:50 PM – Stuff the Magic Dragon appears! Stuff starts messing around with the audience. Stuff is actually doing some decently hilarious material for arena crowd work. Stuff wins MVP honors for me for this game, and should have appeared more. 

Bob Dole and Stuff! Highly doubt Bob Dole was in attendance at the 76ers-Magic game.

6:58 PM – The cheerleaders continue to be more interesting than the entire Magic roster. I'm far more excited when they're announced off the bench than when the name, E'Twaun Moore, is heard.

7:25 PM – At the half, the 76ers lead the Magic. The 76ers have been terrible defensively this year. At the least, I was hoping this would be an offensive explosion for each team. But, no, they both are looking pretty crappy.

7:48 PM – I grab a bottomless souvenir Horace Grant cup of Mountain Dew from the concession stand. The man working the counter is unbelievably nice. It's his pep that would be the only reason I ever come back to an Orlando Magic game.

8:10 PM – I'm realizing that Magic games are great ways to look at the attractive women in Orlando. Also, it's pretty obvious they don't care about this team, either, so this looks a pretty decent social event with a $10 cover.

8:21 PM – The Magic have waged a comeback much to the delight of whoever in the crowd is actually paying attention.

8:35 PM – I return for a refill on my Mountain Dew. This guy is just really nice. I also am going to be completely wired for the drive home.

8:55 PM – The game concludes. Magic wins, 92-81. They can now prepare for Dwight Howard's return on Wednesday in a game I would have much rather watched.

9:06 PM – The Amway Arena has an interactive area on the first 25 years of the Orlando Magic. It has shoes that Shaq wore, cardboard cutouts of the players that you can stand next to, and random trivia that will remind you that Reggie Theus once played for the team. Also, I read about their 2009 run to the NBA Finals and almost broke down into tears knowing the likes of Hedo Turkoglu and Rashard Lewis beat LeBron James.

9:44 PM – We stop at a pizza place for a snack after the game. I accidentally leave my Horace Grant souvenir cup at this pizza place. Some lucky person or garbage can now has my Horace Grant souvenir cup.

In conclusion, the Amway Arena is a fun night out. It's got cheap tickets, expensive brews, hot babes, and a lot of history, so the kids will learn something, too!

The NBA at the Halfway Point

The NBA All-Star game is today. At the halfway point of the year, NBA fans probably feel exactly the same way I do, and it has perhaps been unprecedented. I am extremely excited about how one conference's playoffs are going to look and horrified at how the other conference's bracket will go. The disparity between the Western Conference and the Eastern Conference is obvious, and the points scoring barrage that can happen when two quality West teams face off against each other is only countered by the stinky poo poo entertainment that has been any Chicago Bulls vs. Brooklyn Nets game this year.

Nevertheless, I'm looking forward to the rest of the season and what the playoffs will bring. Let's take a look at the matchups that would happen if the playoffs started today.

Eastern Conference

Indiana (1) vs Charlotte (8)

Charlotte has been impressive only in that they haven't been the complete embarrassment of the league this year. I'd expect the Pacers to make quick work of them. God, why are these best-of-seven series again? Can the NBA really make that much money off Pacers-Bobcats?

Miami (2) vs Brooklyn (7)

This series is only entertaining in that the Nets were expected to actually contend with the Pacers and the Heat this year. But, the combination of Jason Kidd's poor coaching skills and ability to dress more like a model than the team's coach has only complicated an aged roster. The Heat have taken the season easy to get into this position. It will be interesting to watch LeBron bury Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett one final time. But, again, best-of-seven series? Yikes.

Quality coaching.

Toronto (3) vs Washington (6)

This may be the most fun series if only because I am very impressed with the Raptors and I'm happy for the city of Washington that they have a playoff team for the first time since Gilbert Arenas had a pile of guns in the locker room. The Raptors dealt Rudy Gay and only got better. Washington is seeing John Wall step up into the role as the leader at point guard that they wanted him to be. Toronto seemed like they were going to tank after the Gay deal where as the Wizards seemed like they were hitting for the fences with the Gortat deal prior to the season. From a basketball standpoint, it's intriguing. But, remember, there may be no one in the rest of the world other than Toronto and Washington that cares about a Raptors-Wizards battle. Remember, guys, best-of-seven series.

Chicago (4) vs Atlanta (5)

This only really becomes fun if Derrick Rose returns for the playoffs. Atlanta has looked impressive given how underwhelming their roster looked on paper and GM Danny Ferry has set up the team for a bright future. It's unfortunate Al Horford went down for the year, but I like what Jeff Teague and Paul Millsap have managed to do for this team. The Bulls are being the Bulls again. Just a solid team that is well coached by Tom Thibodeaux and finds a way to get into the playoffs and have an impact even without their superstar.

Main point:

We're just waiting on the Heat-Pacers conference final, which is going to be awesome. Until then, we'll suffer through weeks of mediocre basketball in the East.

Western Conference

Oklahoma City (1) vs Golden State (8)

This is such a great 1 vs. 8 series. Kevin Durant has been playing out of his mind, and with the impending return of Russell Westbrook, the Thunder seem poised to take the West. Golden State is one of the most entertaining teams into the league to watch, but their first half of the season was up and down to the point that it is very possible they could not make this year's playoffs, which would be a shame. A series of Kevin Durant and Stephen Curry? My God, I love the best-of-seven series!

San Antonio (2) vs Phoenix (7)

Phoenix is the biggest surprise of this season, and Jeff Hornacek may have already put his name on the Coach of the Year award. This is an intriguing match up for the aging Spurs. Gregg Popovich will always have something up his sleeve, and the team rested, but this is a great first round battle to potentially have the young, upstart team against a package of veteran All-Stars looking at one more chance at a ring.

Houston (3) vs Dallas (6)

It would be a Texas showdown in the first round, and expect the point totals to be high. It would be nice to watch Dwight Howard face off against one of the teams he spurned in free agency. But, while I'll love Dirk Nowitzki, this year's Dallas Mavericks have been kind of non-descript. Could they slip out of playoffs in the second half or take it up a step to put themselves in the conversation as one of the top 4 teams in the West?

L.A. Clippers (4) vs Portland (5)

Another potentially great series. Blake Griffin has come into his own this year, and the Clippers finally seem like a team that has the depth and the organization under Doc Rivers to make a legitimate run at the title. Chris Paul, Blake Griffin, Damian Lillard, LaMarcus Aldridge all on the same floor? Best-of-seven series, I love you!

Main point:

The West feels a lot more wide open and will make for some really entertaining games. It still seems like it's the Thunder's conference to lose, but we never know what to expect from the Spurs, and with the return of Chris Paul, the Clippers appear more legitimate than ever. Also, keep an eye out for the Memphis Grizzlies. They are on the outside looking in right now, but they've been playing stifling defense, and have finally gotten healthy to a point that they can make an impact. I expect them to make the playoffs, and unfortunately eliminate one of these other eight fine teams.

Final point:

Between LeBron and Durant, whoever doesn't win the MVP will have a major chip on his shoulders. These guys both want it (and the championship) but there may even be an extra incentive if they don't get this honor. I love what both of them are doing on the court right now, and as much as I'd love to see the Pacers take it to the next level and be in the NBA Finals, a Heat-Thunder collision course in June would be fantastic to watch.

Now, for no reason other than it is All-Star Weekend and my buddy Justin Golak reminded me of it, here's Reggie Miller's hilarious broadcasting moment during a 3-pointcontest.

The Winning Ways of Jimmy Haslam

Jimmy Haslam is a maniac obsessed with winning to a point that he does not know the appropriate approach to go about doing it. Or, Jimmy Haslam is so obsessed with winning that he’ll do anything to make it happen, and just made a genius decision that will pave the way for a winning team in Cleveland. I’m a patient man (clearly unlike Mr. Haslam), so I’m willing to wait before giving a clear verdict, but to most fans, Haslam is looking more like the former than the latter. In a little over a year, Haslam has fired two head coaches and two front offices, a frightening statistic in a league that has proven that consistency wins championships.

At the time, the hiring of Joe Banner and Mike Lombardi didn’t look particularly impressive. Banner had years of experience with the successful Philadelphia Eagles, but his departure from the team came from a reported rift with head coach Andy Reid, which then begs the question of how much Banner was really involved in the team’s success. Lombardi already had an unfavorable history with the Browns, and was a reminder of the unsuccessful Bill Belichick era and subsequent move of the team to Baltimore. Yet, Haslam went with these guys.

From a fan’s perspective, it didn’t seem quite clear who was doing what. Banner appeared to be the face of the front office, who would speak to the media. After his initial press conference, Lombardi simply disappeared, and was presumably doing player evaluation. At times, it was conveyed that Lombardi was making personnel decisions and Banner was presenting them. Then, it seemed that Banner was entirely responsible for personnel decisions, which then led to questions of what Lombardi was even doing and why he wouldn’t appear at press conferences. Even though fans didn’t have an idea as to what was going on, the owner should know, but when taking questions after the firing of Rob Chudzinski, Haslam’s response to Lombardi’s lack of presence was that he hadn’t thought much of it. With yesterday’s firings, Haslam may have been more clueless than we thought.

If the timeline of events seems right, then Haslam simply did not do his homework and took things for granted. He chose Banner perhaps for his experience, but perhaps never truly asked around as to his reputation in the NFL community. He didn’t take into account Lombardi’s reputation among Cleveland fans and previous history in front offices, and relied on Banner’s opinion of him. He fired Pat Shurmur under the presumption they could bring in Chip Kelly, and ultimately settled on Rob Chudzinski. He fired Chudzinski under expectations that he would do better as a first-year coach based off the performance of other first-year coaches even though other first-year coaches didn’t have to work with three different quarterbacks, a non-existent running game, and a front office clearly working on a rebuilding project for the next season. He then took 25 days to have Mike Pettine, clearly not either Banner or Lombardi’s first selection, hired as the head coach. Whatever happened in that coaching search and whatever disagreements arose between Banner, Lombardi, and Haslam clearly led to yesterday morning’s announcement. Haslam has to be embarrassed, and either he’s looking to rid himself of embarrassing actions of a first year in one move or he is the cause of all the embarrassment and will continue to be.

Jimmy Haslam, not at a press conference for a change.

Haslam has decided to keep Alec Scheiner on as President. He has hired Ray Farmer as the General Manager. Both are younger executives who have developed a good reputation in the league. Haslam has defined their roles. It may be a good sign that Farmer was the top choice of the Miami Dolphins for their GM position, but turned it down to remain with the Browns. The Dolphins (dysfunctional in their own way due to the Jonathan Martin scandal this season) were looking to right their ship and gain a better front office perception in the league (particularly after the Davone Bess issue that strangely involved the Browns as well) with Farmer.

The big question marks are still there. Farmer openly stated he played no role in the interview process to hire Pettine. So, will he and Pettine even get along? Farmer also worked as the assistant to Mike Lombardi. Was he just following under Lombardi’s watch or did some of his decisions and advice lead to some of the Browns’ problems? Most importantly, Haslam has said that both Farmer and Scheiner will report to him. It’s not clear what that means. If it means that Haslam would just like to be involved and have knowledge of the football operations (because he clearly had no clue with Banner and Lombardi), then that’s acceptable. If Haslam is looking to start making football decisions and rely on impulse feelings, then Browns fans may be looking at a new GM and coach again next year.

Why Do We Care About Joe Namath?

My Dad has always had an interest in financial investing. As a result of subscribing to a variety of financial magazines, he would also receive junk mail related to them. When I was in elementary school, he once received a VHS tape from a company named S&K. God knows what S&K was doing or trying to sell, but we figured it would be entertaining to watch what they had to say. We watched the instructional video, and I don't remember at all what S&K's angle was, but my Dad told me that it was all a scheme. From that young age, I understood how certain “businesses” look to get money out of innocent individuals. Who was the pitchman in S&K’s video? Joe Namath. 

By that point, I knew that Joe Namath was a famous quarterback. I knew that he made a guarantee to win a Super Bowl as a huge underdog and backed up that guarantee. But, beyond that, what else was there to know? From the S&K video, all I really knew now was that Namath was either a sleazy guy, a retired player desperate to get money one way or the other, or both.

So, when Namath appeared in yesterday’s Super Bowl XLVIII, he was being the oddball “Broadway Joe” that I’ve known for my entire life. He showed up in an insane fur coat. He botched the coin toss. He seemed to half-jokingly stare down the referee after his mistake. He then did the coin toss. Of course, social media erupted ripping into Namath for his coat, his coin toss mistake, and poking fun at his openly admitted battle with alcoholism. But, for me, it led to a bigger question. Why do we care about Joe Namath? Why does the NFL keep putting this guy out in public when he clearly doesn’t belong there anymore?

It seems to come from a history that is more lore and personality than football numbers. I obviously never saw Joe Namath play live, but his colleagues at the time described him as smart and that he transformed the quarterback position. But, even playing in a time that was run heavy, Namath's numbers are unimpressive. He threw 173 touchdowns compared to 220 interceptions with a 50.1 completion percentage. Even during their Super Bowl year, he had 15 touchdowns and 17 interceptions. Namath was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1985. In what has now become a statistic obsessed culture particularly when determining who gets into the Hall of Fame, Namath would have no shot today.

But, Namath was an icon. He was attractive and had great personality. His guarantee of winning Super Bowl III has become a legendary story. His post-playing days found him acting and doing commercials. He had crossed over into the landscape of pop culture.

As I mentioned though, if you were born in the mid-1980s or later like I was, the obsession with Joe Namath is a little weird to you. With my experience with S&K, Namath didn't exactly come off as the most trustworthy or knowledgeable guy.

Then, of course, there was this moment:

I watched this live, and it was just as awkward as it is to watch it now. In the wake of it, you could laugh at it. Namath was clearly drunk, and the announcers were trying to cover it up in their own hilarious way. But, it actually proved sad when Namath revealed his problem with alcoholism. Additionally, the moment downgraded the abilities of Suzy Kolber from a knowledgeable sideline reporter to just a cute girl worth kissing. It's been over ten years, and Kolber's career is still remembered most for this awkward moment. “Broadway Joe” now just seemed like a creepy old man.

As a result, Namath hasn't truly moved on from it, which was what made the coin toss so awkward again. The number of easy jokes on social media related to Namath's alcoholism were endless. Namath now feels like an old, bumbling fool rather than an icon. To some it's a joke, but to me, it just seems sad. If Namath is having fun doing it, then all power to him, but for some of us (especially Phil Simms below) it feels like Joe has been making us feel uncomfortable for a long time now.

 Phil with a comfortable smile.

Apparently, Phil has dealt with this before.

There's a reason Namath was at The Super Bowl in New York. He's the icon for Jets fans. No one else comes close in their long history. He's immortal to the fans of a team in the biggest market in America (there are similarities to Bernie Kosar and Cleveland on a smaller level). So, it makes sense. But, I think we still have to acknowledge for all the history that Joe Namath brought to football and pop culture for 25 years, he's managed to make it very weird and uncomfortable for the ensuing 25.

Here's apparently Joe's version of S&K for 2013. I'd also like to add that some of my stand-up comedy clips have more views than this. Seriously, what is Joe Namath doing here?

 

Looking Back...NFL Season Predictions

A few weeks into the NFL season, I was sitting with my friend and fellow comedian Dylan Shelton at a show, and Dylan said something along the lines of, "Your NFL predictions sucked." He was right. Just a few weeks into the year, and it was already pretty obvious I was headed for a bad season based off my September 5 predictions post. It makes me feel slightly better than many prognosticators and bettors haven't had a great year dealing with the NFL. Bill Simmons's regular weekly picks columns have covered his own personal demise this season. But, it still seems worth it to look back on what went horribly wrong.

AFC East

This isn't impressive. It's pretty easy for anyone to pick New England to win the division, and that's what happened. The records I predicted were all off with the New York Jets actually doing far better than expected and possibly having the chance to be a playoff team had they had any consistency at the quarterback position. I did predict that the Miami Dolphins would not make the playoffs, but had them at 7-9 and not even in the hunt rather than them fizzling out in the final weeks of the season when controlling their own destiny.

AFC North

I had three teams from this division making the playoffs. Oops. Despite the Ravens overspending for Joe Flacco, I still thought they had the elements that always got them to the playoffs. They didn't, and neither did the Steelers (my selection from the AFC to make the Super Bowl. Yikes.) The Bengals dominated the division. The Browns did even worse than I predicted as usual.

AFC South

Houston's incredibly disappointing year highlights this division. With a difficult schedule, many expected Indianapolis to not make the playoffs (I had them at 8-8), but they won the division. To my expectations, Tennessee did better yet still fired head coach Mike Munchak. Jacksonville did better than many expected and have some hope with new coach Gus Bradley.

AFC West

It seemed pretty easy to expect Denver to win this division and Oakland to be at the bottom. But, even with an easy schedule, I didn't expect Kansas City to start off the season 9-0 and make the playoffs. San Diego was also impressive under new head coach Mike McCoy. They were enigmatic at times, and likely could have even had a better record, but found their way into the AFC Wild Card berth.

NFC East

If there's one immediate regret that I had with my predictions, it was thinking that Washington would win this division. They seemed very set up for the wreck of the season that they did have, but the NFC East was wide open with teams that didn't look impressive. Surprisingly, first-year coach Chip Kelly led the Eagles to the title. I was correct in predicting the Cowboys at 8-8, but so was probably everyone else.

NFC North

Green Bay won the division, but not as easily as I expected, but with one of the most entertaining games of the season in a win over Chicago. As the season progressed, Detroit became a disappointment and Jim Schwartz was deservedly fired. For the foreseeable future, this still seems like Green Bay's division.

NFC West

I didn't realize it until now, but I hilariously did not include my records for the NFC West in my original post. I had Seattle winning the division and San Francisco making the playoffs, which wasn't a surprise that it happened. Though, Arizona's performance this year is worth noting, and was nice to see them in the hunt.

NFC South

With the way the season started, Carolina looked like they were preparing for another disappointing year and Ron Rivera to be fired. But, they stepped it up, and won the division with Atlanta being yet another huge disappointment that I expected to win the division. As I predicted, New Orleans did come in as a Wild Card, but it's looking less likely that they'll win the Super Bowl as I forecasted.

Now, for what I expect will be extremely wrong predictions on how these playoffs will turn out:

AFC PLAYOFFS

Indianapolis defeats Kansas City
Cincinnati defeats San Diego

Denver defeats Indianapolis
Cincinnati defeats New England

Cincinnati defeats Denver

NFC PLAYOFFS

New Orleans defeats Philadelphia
Green Bay defeats San Francisco

Seattle defeats New Orleans
Green Bay defeats Carolina

Seattle defeats Green Bay

SUPER BOWL

Seattle defeats Cincinnati

Should I stick by New Orleans? In a way, I should. But, if the road to the Super Bowl runs through Seattle, it's going to be very difficult for any team to walk in there. It's just too difficult to bet against Seattle. In recent years, there's always a team from the first weekend of games that finds their way to the Super Bowl. Despite suspect quarterback play from Andy Dalton, I'll take the risk and say that it's Cincinnati, but I do think that San Diego, New Orleans, and Green Bay have the potential to be those teams as well.

Well, I'm looking forward to my predictions going just as wrong as the season went for me.

    These frightening people get a Super Bowl?

Looking Back...The 5 Keys To The Browns Improving This Year

The Cleveland Browns ended their season in a familiar manner, losing to the Pittsburgh Steelers in a pathetic fashion to end another pathetic season with a 4-12 receord. Surprisingly, though, they ended their season exactly as they did last season by firing their head coach.

Let's take a look back at my post from September 8 on how the “5 Keys to the Browns Improving This Year” panned out this season:

1. Brandon Weeden must become the starting quarterback.

As we know, this key to victory did not remotely happen. Weeden got injured after two lackluster games and Brian Hoyer was anointed the starter. Hoyer looked like a far better quarterback and leader in guiding the team to two straight victories before a knee injury ended his season. Weeden returned as a starter only to perform so poorly that he was benched for backup Jason Campbell. Weeden came back yet again when Campbell got injured only to receive more boos from Cleveland fans that had enough with his lowest point coming in a Jacksonville loss in which he inexplicably was responsible for three turnovers in the last three minutes of the first half. Weeden finished the season with 1,731 yards passing, 9 TD, and 9 INT, for a quarterback rating of 70.8. He's likely to be released by the team, and at the age of 30, may at best be third on a team's depth chart next year.

2. Trent Richardson must have a 1,000 yard rushing season.

Richardson was dealt to the Indianapolis Colts for a first-round pick on September 19. At the time, it was a shocking trade that angered most Browns fans. But, Richardson's poor performance with the Colts makes the Browns look like the winners of the deal for the time being. It's still possible that Richardson could turn his career around and that the Browns pick they received in exchange could be a bust. Richardson finished the regular season with 458 yards rushing and 3 TD with a 2.9 yards per carry average. He was benched by the Colts in favor of Donald Brown.

     3.  The Browns need to have a top 15 defense.

The Browns ended the year as the number 9 ranked defense in the league. But, the numbers that determine who has the best defense in the league by the NFL's standards can be deceiving and rely solely on yards given up. Football Outsiders ranks the Browns as 24th. Their second half defense was likely even worse. The Browns were 8-6-2 in the first half of games this season.

 Chudzinski likely had a similar reaction when being handed his pink slip.

4. No dumb coaching mistakes.

It's unclear whether Chudzinski can really be blamed for any specific miscues. Any mistakes didn't stand out as badly as Pat Shurmur's did last season. But, there were definitely major gaffes that cost the team games particularly the special teams performance in the game in Cincinnati. A coach doesn't lose seven straight games to end the season without some dumb things going on.

5. Don't be the Cleveland Browns.

This key may be the saddest one that I wrote because, by the end of the season, the Browns were even more Browns than they have ever been. After one season, the front office fired Chudzinski, making the team seem even more dysfunctional than it has ever been since returning in 1999. By firing Chudzinski, Haslam defied the points that he made in this interview with Peter King, and chose against consistency at the head coaching position. In their press conference on the firing, Haslam and president Joe Banner regularly mentioned their determination to win. It's nice for Browns fans to have a group that claims to be passionate about winning. But, there's a fine line between the mad genius determined to win (Bill Belichick) and someone who is just plain mad in his decision making when trying to win (Daniel Snyder and Jerry Jones). Browns fans are hoping that Haslam isn't the next Daniel Snyder, but with Haslam's Pilot J scandal still lurking, an entire coaching overhaul again, and uncertainty at the quarterback and running back positions, the Browns look as lost as they have ever been. The Cleveland Browns are looking like the organizational equivalent of Dwayne Rudd's helmet throw.